My family is a little twisted. I got pregnant at the age of 18. Was forced into marriage (that is a whole other blog right there); and then divorced by age 20… So I find out I’m pregnant in like January or February of 2010 at the age of 18. Get married in March of 2010.. have my first son on October 10, 2010 at the age of 19. Not very long after that, I just about had enough of my husband. Don’t get me wrong, I know that the first few years are supposed to be hard.. But just to let you know why I didn’t stick it out, this is a sample of the crap I was dealing with while I was pregnant..
So, I know house work is a given.. Naturally.
I don’t want to live in a pig sty.. But when I am the only person working in the household and you are sitting on your bum all day playing video games and sleeping.. Lets just say this.. every single day– trash was always laying everywhere, clothes all over the freaking place… I mean I literally sat up entire nights, after I had worked the whole day, and clean the entire house, washed dried and folded all clothing, cleaned all the dished (none of which I had used), and put the crib together by myself, because he refused to do it. And the next day when I got home from work.. Guess what.. pig sty.. again. Shit everywhere…And I picked up the stuff every day.. It did nothing..Still the next day, back to the same way.
Okay so.. he done nothing.. couldn’t hold a job down and did nothing at the house to help me at all… Next example. The house were were renting was pretty cheap.. And it was the price it was because the people knew me, and the expectation was that the yard had to be kept up with. It had to be mowed every week, ect. I mean it was a big yard but it was fine. Not a big deal.. I love mowing grass.. However.. I do not like mowing grass when I am 38 weeks pregnant in freaking 100ºF weather on a seriously bumpy yard that made me cramp like crazy and very sick to my stomach. That should have been him all the way… You know what he was doing. Sitting in the air conditioned house, playing a video game.. Also, he would stay out all hours of the night and would never tell me where he was or what he was doing…
So I am sure you will not be surprised to find out that after my bundling little joy (actually a terror at first) arrived, he was absolutely no help what so ever.
So, I had a c-section, for various reasons and those who have had to endure that know exactly what I am talking about. So, he would NOT hold the baby long enough for me to eat or to take a shower or to just take a break for a little while. Never. He wouldn’t help at all. And no kidding every time I sat the kid down in crib he would scream till he couldn’t breathe, then I was being yelled at by my lazy ass husband about why did i put the baby down… I was a new mother that knew nothing.. and that could barely move because of the c-section. And not to mention he took the freaking pain pills I was prescribed by my doctor for the pain AND SOLD THEM… like really…So needless to say, the next year after being kicked out of the rental house because my husband would contribute nothing and moving from place to place for months, I finally cut my ties with him in May of 2011.
But…something amazing happened in June of 2011! I finished closing on a house then I met my current husband of 5 years, when I posted a simple post on Facebook, that I needed someone to help me move furniture into my new home. He so graciously replied, and he helped me so much that day. A relationship formed from that simple act of kindness. I lost a lot of people I thought were friends over me moving on so quickly but I guess they weren’t true friends to begin with.
So by July of 2011, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and by October of 2011, he had moved in. (for a few different reasons–> 1. I needed help big time with bills. 2. He wanted to move out of his parents house; 3. we wanted to see if we were really good for each other or not) (I feel like everyone wanting to get married should live with their partner for at least a year.)
And then by October of 2012, we were married and totally good for each other. He definitely completes me.
So, a little bit about the hubby. He was married once before me as well. And he also had a child prior to our marriage. His story summed up is, he worked 3rd shift. He kept getting this feeling that something was off and people kept telling him that they was seeing his wife with another man. Well one night while he was working, he left work at about 11 p.m. or so, and drove home. Just to see. Little did he know, that he was about to roll up to his house and a man be with his woman who was currently 3 months pregnant with his child.. So that’s how that marriage ended.. Although he did try to stay with her for a couple years after that for the child’s sake, she ended up leaving him.
So. My child’s father, never asked for him at all. Like I am the perfect ex wife. I laid it out just like this, If you want to see your son, all you have to do is ask. That’s it. He started off good, but then he quit asking, and then got involved in drugs, and stealing shit from people, and took my kid to a freaking crackheads house!!!… so now I don’t trust him at all with my kid.
And my husbands child’s mom, will only let us get him every other weekend. No more, no less. It is so frustrating because in all honesty, that child gets no where near the amount of attention that he needs. And is always acting out. It is a very sad situation. He used to be good with me and always listen and I never had a problem with him, but I heard with my own ears, his mom tell him that I was not his mother, and that he did not have to do what I said.. Well buddy I got news for you, you in my house..you will do what I say.. But ever since his mother said that, I have had such a hard time dealing with him.
So, we have a father that could have gotten his child whenever he wants and doesn’t.
And we have a father that wants his child and the mother will not let him.
I tried every thing in my power to ensure that my child did not suffer when I left his dad. And he didn’t. Not by my hands. He dad has made him suffer and has been a disappointment more times than not. Isn’t that so sad. That this is what it has come to in the world. What happened to parents these days. Conniving ex-wives and dead-beat dads. Why does it need to be like that. It is not good for the children. It makes my son really sad that his Daddy does’t see him. And my step-child has serious behavior issues because he does not get disciplined at home and his mother lets him do what ever he wants. So now he is failing in school.. and of course, it is our fault that he is failing.
So do y’all have any advise on the best way to deal with ex’s or step children. I am a mom that is seriously struggling.